Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
