Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
do nipples grow back?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
