you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
