I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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