I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
