I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
