nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
