no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
