I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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