I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
