sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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