I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
