i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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