turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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