i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
