Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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