Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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