apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
