How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Are we still banned from the library?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
