Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
