I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
