Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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