if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
