where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
