I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
