She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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