the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
