I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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