Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
