he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
