Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
