How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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