so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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