i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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