I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
