rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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