Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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