Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i believe in u and ur pee
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
