What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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