last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i will never coherently bang her
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
