Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I intend to get homeless drunk
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
