You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
