Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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