the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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