the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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