and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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