How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
