I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
