wrigley field is MILF paradise
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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