She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
