i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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